After a long absence from my dearly neglected blog I am back. I have struggled with writing this particular post, a post about something we have longed for, hoped for and prayed for over such a heartbreaking span of time. Maybe it’s difficult to put the immense emotion into my words, maybe its easier to write from pain and heartbreak than it is from joy. I fear that my words will do an injustice to all that God has done, that I can not possibly put words to express the miracle of this family God has put together, of the healing and the grace and the second chances that brings.
1393 days ago a tiny, beautiful, bald, screaming baby girl was carried through our door and secured her place in our hearts forever. For 1393 days we too heavily rode the waves of foster care – at moments we thought we would lose her, at moments we thought forever had come just to find it hadn’t and we had to continue to wait, at moments we had great faith, and at other moments we feared.
The journey through adoption from foster care has been the greatest faith journey of our lives. We had to learn to fully commit this girl who we loved so deeply that we thought our hearts could burst to the Lord no matter what. No Matter what happened, if she stayed or if she would go, she was God’s first and we had to trust Him with her even when we didn’t understand what was happening. For 1393 days we loved this girl, we held her when she needed comfort, we wiped her tears, we took care of her when she was sick and got up with her in the middle of the night when terrors haunted her, we played with her and laughed with her, and made wonderful memories with her, and for all the rest of the days of her life we will do the same!
After 1393 days in the making we adopted our DAUGHTER – our girl-girl with nearly 40 friends and family to witness and support this wonderful event. She is finally legally what she has always been in our hearts! Part of me expected everything to change and feel different, feel magical in that moment when in reality what I felt was what I’ve always felt for our girl. All of my children are my heart – and she is no different. How could an order from a judge and an official piece of paper make me love her any more?
Still after 1393 I feel extremely grateful. Grateful that the Lord choose us as his second chance family for our girl-girl. Grateful that I now have full decision-making, medical record receiving, paper signing – parental rights over our daughter! Grateful that she is legally what she has always been in our hearts and eternally grateful to call this amazing girl who will move mountains my daughter!