Over the past couple years I have tried with everything I have to build a relationship with the Bio Mom in our life. Everything, from offering to get together beyond scheduled visit times, invites to Dr appointments, phone calls with updates on kiddos, a visit to see her in the hospital, loads of pictures, Birthday gifts, and Mother’s day cards.
None of these gestures have generated the kind of relationship I desire with her. The relationship we do have ebbs and flows, and if I am honest some of the fault in that lies with me. Sometimes I get stuck acting out of fear instead of faith. Fear that maybe God’s forever plan for these kiddos does not include us, even when I know in my heart God has brought them here for good reason. This Bio Mom will never value the words I have to say to her, but if she would HEAR me this is what I would say…
We ADORE your children and they could not be more a part of this family if they were born into it. We will always Love and protect them and fight for what is best for them! We feel strongly that God brought them to our family.
God Loves you and we will continue try to Love you as He does.
This does not have to be your life, there are people who will help you out of this cycle you have found yourself in. Let them!
I know a few things about parenting. I have previously brought children successfully through this stage of life.
You think “ownership” trumps my place in this child’s life, but where have you been when she’s up all night sick with the flu? Where were you when she got her first tooth and learned to walk? Who potty trained her? I do not devalue your role in her life, please do not devalue mine!
Your children Love us and are well bonded with us. Their EVERY need is provided for within our family.
We know you are family too, and forever a part of their story.
Thank you for bringing them into this world, when it was not in your best interest – when you could have made another choice…
We are not here to fight you, or make you look bad. We are NOT the enemy and desire to work with you through this process.
And finally, we are just as scared of you as you are us. Scared that you could get your act together and we could lose these kiddos forever. Fearful that in working with you we could possibly give you the momentum to do what needs to be done for your children to return to your care. Yet just as fearful that if we do not give you those opportunities we could be corrupting what could be for your family.